Embracing the Questions
When we found out we were expecting twins I told my husband we should prepare a one page “press statement” to hand out when necessary. It seems that when you’re pregnant (especially with multiples), or a new mom you seem to be answering the same questions over and over.
“Yes we were surprised”
“No they don’t run in my family”
“Yes, they’re sleeping in the same room”
Etc, etc, etc.
It would really have been easier to hand out a script of our pre-approved answers than to politely answer the same questions again and again with a smile. I was asked what I was going to be choosing for sleep training methods, whether I would be breast or bottle feeding, if I was planning a c-section or birthing naturally, and none of these questions came from anyone who was going to be involved in children’s care in any way.
Somehow as moms we’re supposed to have all the answers to how we want to raise our kids before the littluns are even here. We need to decide if we’re going to breastfeed or if we are ever going to give a bottle before we know if we will even have an adequate milk supply. We need to know whether our kids will sleep with us in bed, when we will sleep train and a million other things that really we couldn’t possibly know. The worst part about it though is that it’s not only other people who think we are supposed to have the answers, we’re our own worst enemies! .
As a new mom I had it all planned out. I was ONLY going to breastfeed, until I realized that if my husband fed my twins a bottle every night I could sleep for a solid four hours. I was NEVER going to put my babies down when they were crying, until I realized that sometimes I only had two hands...and also a very full bladder. Basically I had ALL the answers….until I realized I barely had any. As moms, we put so much pressure on ourselves to know exactly what we’re doing from the first second, and to have every answer. Sometimes though, we just don’t and honestly that’s okay because with kids at the end of the day the questions are more important. Asking yourself “What does my child need now”, “What do I need now”, “Is it really important if my kids and I are colour coordinated or am I making myself nuts for nothing”. I always tell my clients that there are rules, and then there is the kid you have in front of you. So here I am almost two years later, still with more questions than answers. I’ve learned to pay attention to my kids needs and to my needs and that there is something special about us all figuring it out together.