Breaking Free of Infertility and Childloss
1 in 8 women have infertility.
1 in 4 women have miscarried or lost an unborn baby.
I can’t share these statistics enough. The importance of women knowing they are not alone in these moments is an essential part of my mission as a blogger, and as a mother. I write a lot about how motherhood can be terribly isolating, but somehow also suffocating. Infertility and pregnancy/child loss can have those same contradicting feelings. But when I see statistics like this it makes me wonder why we feel so alone-when the numbers show we are far from it. In fact, I’d be willing to bet you walk beside women who are, or have, experienced these losses each day.
One in eight, the checker at the grocery store who could never have children-so her eyes light up with a chance to say hello to yours. Your neighbor, that friend from college you keep waiting for an announcement from, your grandma....you know infertility.
One in four, the mom at the park who looks like all the others-but lost 4 babies before her son you see playing in front of you. That woman is still smiling, holding her miracle a second longer because she had to let go of so many before....you know pregnancy and child loss.
You are not alone.
I’ve been part of both these groups, both are painful. Both come with intense and unforgiving shame, pain, and disappointment. The last thing you need in these moments are isolation, yet that’s the result most of the time. Some things are worse when they aren’t talked about, some things feel bigger when you think you are the only one. For me infertility is one of those things. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for almost 3 years. I’ve seen 28+ negatives in a row, 28 let downs and counting. Each month it hurts the same, and each time I feel shameful-like I’m failing my family by getting my period.
So I’m here to say you are not alone. I’m here with you.
You are not failing anyone-you have no more control in what happens than anyone else. It’s ok to talk about it. It’s ok to say this sucks, and it’s also ok in moments you are at peace. No one gets to tell you how to walk this path. Each journey through infertility and child loss is unique-there is no right way to walk through this. For me, I’m choosing to share. Because my burdens feel heaviest when I’m the only one who can see them. I’m bringing infertility out of the shadows by sharing my struggle, by being honest when it’s hard, and honest when it’s not. It’s time to walk along side each other on this path, there is nothing to be ashamed of.