How many of you moms have ever felt the wrath of being mom-shamed?
My hand is up high in the air. I am a full-time working mom and my son is in daycare three days a week. The rest of the time he is at home with my husband who works shift work.
Before I went back to work, I had so many people ask me why I wasn’t going to be a stay-at-home mom. Now hear me out, I am NOT against being a stay-at-home mom--I loved being home with Mason for 12 months while I was on maternity leave. Heck it was the best year of my life!
But going back to work and getting myself back into my career was important to me. I worked very hard through University and progressed in my career. For me, having a life outside of being a mom is important. Does that make me selfish? Personally, I don’t think so! I think it’s necessary.
I think all too often we look at a mom, and women in general, and instantly judge them:
If she’s a working mom then she’s not making her family a priority.
If she’s a stay-at-home mom then she’s too focused on her kids.
If a woman has no makeup on and her hair is in a messy bun then she doesn’t care about her appearance.
If she is holding a baby who won’t stop crying then she’s doing something wrong.
If she is out in public with her children and one is throwing a tantrum then she is a terrible mother.
I’m sure we are all guilty of making assumptions when we see these situations. So how do you overcome being a victim of mom shaming?
My biggest three tips are:
Find what makes you happy and do more of that!
Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, making that time for yourself is so important. Even if it’s 20 minutes after the kids go to bed, take that time to take some deep breaths and remember you are enough. I promise you will care less about what other people think of you if you find those moments to make your own happiness.
Talk to a mommy friend
We are a community and we should be building each other up and not tearing each other down. Pick up the phone, send a text, or go for coffee and talk about what’s been bothering you. Maybe you’re not the type to share your feelings so easily, but I swear there’s something about being with your mommy friends that will make you open your heart and you’ll find very quickly you are not alone.
Channel your inner Taylor Swift and shake it off!
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and what life is really like. Why should you let someone else affect how you feel about your own life?
I want to encourage us all to take pause when we start to slide into mommy shaming. Instead of making a preconceived judgment of a woman’s mothering skills, let’s ask her what she needs. Or say something comforting. Can you imagine being out in public trying to save face while your kids are running around driving you crazy, and having someone say to you “hey mama it’s ok. You’re doing great.” Sometimes a few simple words go a long way.
So my reminder to you as you read this is to please be kind.
We’re all in this together mamas!