Family life
Motherhood Made Me Realise I Suffered from Anxiety

I didn’t really notice I suffered from anxiety, until I became a mother.
I didn’t notice that I was hanging on by a thread.
Was it motherhood?
How can something that brings me so much love, cause me so much pain?
I feel guilty even thinking that.
I’ve developed what I thought were coping mechanisms yet here I am, realizing that I was blinded.
I was bottling it all up.
Because-motherhood?
It was eating me up inside, but I never thought it was anything worth discussing nor focusing on. I thought having these heavy feelings was normal.
I tell myself that my kids are my priority right now and I'll deal with myself later, because that feels easier than dealing with these heavy emotions.
I never thought it was acceptable to share something that left me feeling so vulnerable.
So naked.
So raw.
What stopped me? Was it shame? Fear? Worry?
I was worried about speaking up and facing it all.
Worried about opening wounds that I knew were too painful and carrying a load that was just too heavy.
Worried about having to face the reality of it- that it’s a problem, even though I fought it so hard and buried it so deep.
Worried about showing that vulnerability; that part of my humanity.
Worried about being stripped from this mask I’ve been hiding behind.
Worried to show that I’m not perfect, and perfectionism was my shield; it kept me safe.
I felt that I was being asked to rid myself of my idea of safety.
This is why I was struggling, and this is also why I needed to see that it was time to heal.
I had to believe that I was the priority here.
I had to believe that there is no shame in getting help.
I had to believe that I matter, and I am worthy.
I had to put myself first, for my littles.
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Suka N Follow
I'm an author residing in Windsor, Ontario with my husband and three children. I share my honest and raw experiences which focus on mothers treading the rough waters of early motherhood and the difficulties of being a woman. My inspirational and viral work has been featured on Today Show, Scary Mommy, Upworthy, and more. I was nominated for two IRIS awards in 2021 for Best Writing and Breakout of the Year.
