I remember planning my second child, many thoughts swarmed my head for months. I couldn't decide on an age gap I felt the most comfortable with, some days I wasn't even sure I wanted a second child because I was so happy with my only one at the time. My sister gave me he best advice: "you won't ever regret HAVING the second baby but one day you might regret NOT having a second child" and she was right. Not one single moment (even through postpartum depression) did I regret having my second baby. There was a rocky start because of the ppd but mainly just getting used to the biggest change of my life. I remember talking to all kinds of people, friends, acquaintances, family, asking everyone I knew with more than one kid what it was like to "share" your love. They all told me it comes natural, that somehow magically you just automatically love them as much as you love your first child... I thought this was impossible but it is very true and I'm SO happy we got pregnant when we did.
The age gap was my biggest decision of the process. Did I want them 2 years apart, 3 years apart or even 5 years apart? I was stuck on this decision.
I found pros and cons with each age gap but ultimately realized that the perfect age gap does not exist. Would 2 years be too soon? Would 3, 4 or 5 years be too far? I thought for the longest time that 5 years between them would be perfect because it would give my first born time as an only child and he would be in school by the time his sibling came along so I would have one on one time with the new addition but that wasn't for me because they wouldn't be close enough to really enjoy each other's company (in my opinion). I figured I was thinking about it way too much and it was just time to leave it to fate.
My sons are two and a half years apart and it's perfect for me, I wanted them close in age but not too close. With this age my first son was potty trained and able to entertain himself for a little while at a time so I am able to nurse in peace or rock the baby if he needs to be held. My oldest has surprised me more than I can begin to explain to you with his amazing big brother skills. I remember reading somewhere that it comes natural to siblings the same way it comes natural to mother's. When I first read this I was wary because my first born was extremely attached, we co-sleep and he was breastfed for almost 2 years so we had/have a very strong bond and I was afraid adding a baby would negatively affect our relationship. I was afraid for no reason because things are amazing.
Every morning my oldest son asks to hold his baby brother, he loves holding him and humming to him. He gives him plenty of kisses throughout the day, his love is so pure. It melts my heart every time he does something to help without me asking. If his baby brother is crying he will find his pacifier and give it to him or stand beside him and hum to him. It truly is the most beautiful thing to see the child you created first love the second child you brought into the world. I wanted to give my firstborn a best friend, someone who would always love him unconditionally, someone to share every aspect of life with. I wanted to give him something that nobody can replace and I did that, I gave him a brother.
If you're struggling with the decision of having more children like I struggled, remember the advice from my sister. You will never regret having more children but you may regret not having them. Your heart will love all of them equally, I promise.