Let's Talk About Relationships...After Having Children
If you have children there is a 95% chance you know the struggle of having a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship once your precious bundles have arrived. Children take up so much of our time that we often forget to also make time for our other halves. I, myself, am guilty of doing the same thing.
It’s difficult to divide your time, especially if you’re a mother of multiples. Because then not only do you have the struggle of trying to fairly split your time between each of your children, but you also have the struggle of trying to make time for all the couple things you used to do before children–which, as we all know, just isn’t always possible.
Our relationships come last once we become parents; romance last on our to-do lists. And that’s completely okay and understandable, but I’m here to write some good ways to keep the romance going and keep that spark alight.
1. Date night!
I literally cannot stress the importance of this, because date night is reserved for just you and your other half. This also doesn’t have to be something that involves going out or costing a lot. My other half and I don’t have a lot of people we can ask to babysit so we often find that going out for date night isn’t possible. Our favourite thing to do is get takeaway once the kids are asleep or we make our favourite meal; starter, main course, and pudding included! Then we cuddle up on the sofa with our duvet and a good film. Cheap, but so effective and super lovely!
2. Always make time to communicate!
I am forever saying how I feel that communication is key to a healthy relationship or friendship. If you don’t make time to communicate properly, arguments happen instead. If issues arise in your relationship, that’s completely normal and okay as no relationship is perfect. But the way to solve those issues and keep both sides happy is to communicate before it all builds up inside you and causes absolute chaos!
3. Romance your partner!
Little things I find so effective at keeping a relationship happy and healthy are things like a little squeeze of your other half's arm, a stroke on their hand, a look into their eyes with a smile on your face–simple little gestures to show the way they make you feel. After a long day of rushing around with housework and the kids and all things Motherhood, a flash of a smile and rub on the arm from my other half completely brightens my day.
4. Understand that it’s hard for your other half too!
Another thing I’m so guilty of is thinking that it’s only hard on me because I’m the stay-at-home Mom that does the parenting thing all day, or as that it’s a lot harder for me than it is for my other half but when it comes to your relationship and being a parent, it’s hard on both parties. They miss the romance they had pre-baby too, and they are also adjusting to having to be a couple while also being parents. Work together as a team rather than playing the ‘who has it worse’ game because no one ends up winning that game.
5. Appreciate eachother!
This one may seem obvious but sometimes it just isn’t: make a point of saying please and thank you to each other! When they get that drink for you because you’re stuck under a sleeping baby, when they get the baby to sleep at bedtime, or put the older kids to bed with a story instead of you, say thank you because it honestly goes such a long way. And the same vice versa because obviously they should make a point of doing the same things back. You’ll be surprised at the difference it makes!
Making time for yourself and your relationship outside of parenting is hard, but always remember you are human, you’re not just Mom or Dad, you’re still you too!