I'll begin this post with saying that I have zero answers to this dilemma! But if you are in the same boat as me then you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Throw your hands up and surrender ... yep... I am a mama constantly negotiating the sibling wars!
Don'tget me wrong. I absolutely soak in the moments... those fleeting , precious moments when you see all your kids beautifully playing together, sharing and being kind. That's when that huge sense of pride and love takes over and you think to yourself... these are the best moments in my life. Seeing my beautiful children just display pure love and affection towards each other.
Snap into the usual Monday morning ritual and it's commonly a different story. Yelling, screaming, ... screaming louder than each other because that of course makes you the winner.
Here are the hot tips to implement when children are fighting...
- 1: Stay calm
- 2: Don't raise your voice
- 3: Get down to the child's level to talk
- 4: Understand both sides and don't take either
- 5: Offer alternatives
- 6: Set the example
In fact, end up doing none of these.
Inour house, I have my 7 year old boy and 3 year old girl most usually, going ballistic at each other from the moment they wake up. To be fair it's usually my 3 year old that starts. And it's over nothing really. It will be.. her brother gave her a good morning kiss. Ding ding... round one.
NOTE: apparently... APPARENTLY there are hormone changes that happen in children at 3 and 7.... GREATdouble whammy!
"Get out of my room! Byron gave me a kiss... I'm not happy!" It begins .
This in turn sets him off because of course he doesn't understand such a full on reaction and naturally retaliates and uses me as the negotiator.
"Mum, Evie is being rude and she tried to hit me." Followed by him trying to give her more kisses just to set her off.
Scream, scream, scream.
"Byron is squishing me... get out!!"
Enter my one year old, who idolizes both her older siblings and sees all this action happening. She realizesshe can make noise and joins in as loud as possible.. for no reason at all. Basically she is the Steve Carellin Anchor Man... why are you yelling???
So now we have all 3 going at it for really no reason at all. But you know it's time to suit up and go in ready to calm the farm in the best possible Mary Poppins type way... to begin with anyway.
"He was just giving you a morning kiss.."
"She just woke up so maybe she is a bit cranky, just give her space.."
"Let's not yell because it sets a bad example to the baby.."
After 15 mins where nothing is working and now the issue is that someone touched someone's chair while having breakfast.. your inner Mary Poppins fades and Batman ( Christian Bale , Batman) starts to emerge.
"JUST EAT IN SILENCE. Don't make eye contact... don't touch arms...separate!"
You start to be throwing out every possible suggestion and scenario that could easily solve this tiny tiny problem but it's just met with more anger, annoyance and you realize that now it's a competition on basically who can annoy who more.
You find yourself running out of options on what you can say and do and are now getting very confused and mixed up on how you are keeping track of what's going on. A 7 year old is different to a 3 year old so trying to get the older one to understand while still teaching the younger one to behave well. Next mintute,.. the fatal mistake.... you call the 3 year old a boy. To be exact.
"You are acting like a silly boy now". Why???? Through all the negotiatingyou are doing, while still making breakfast for 3, changing nappies, making beds, packing lunches, putting the first round of laundry on, finding socks, packing up, emptying the dishwasher, supervising teeth brushing, finding that damn shopkins toy that is the size of my little finger nail and must be found NOW, I get the kids confused and say that!
" Time out mummy! You called me a boy!"
Dear god... they will turn on me.
And that's when they do. Somehow... in the whirlwind of the kids fighting, they unite to band together towards mum. The mum who has been bending over backwards to do everything and fix everything. No mum is public enemy NO !!
The silver lining is of course now the children are actually working together. It's just you are now the target.
What can ya do?
I believe in looking at the positive, the promising, the hope that one day my children will become unicorn children. I guess until then, its best to breathe, have a strong coffee and laugh at the entire situation.
Oh and prepare yourself for yet another battle over... let's say a mindcraft toy that has no legs or a random stick that was collected on the way home from school.
The real issues #mumlife
Thank you so much