The Importance of Dating Your Spouse
I use the term ‘spouse’ loosely – your partner in whatever form your family takes.
After time passes, your family grows, responsibilities mount, time and energy is fleeting, and the conscious time you spend with your partner may lessen.
Physical time doesn’t necessarily lessen, you probably spend A LOT of time together, sitting at either end of the sofa whilst the kids sleep, staring at your phones and sucked of energy, too exhausted to muster up a conversation.
Or you may work shifts, or both have such hectic schedules that you’re passing ships in the night.
Either way, life takes over.
You can end up taking each other for granted if you are not consciously aware of making proper effort. I think it is so common for us to take for granted that our partner will always be there, no matter what.
Having children means you as individuals and you as a couple no longer take precedent. It means you must make more of a conscious effort to spend time together.
Foremost you have to make the effort of arranging childcare. You can no longer just, go out. It must be pre-planned, possibly months in advance and even then, things come up… they always seem to get sick at the most inconvenient times!
Sometimes it is just easier to stay in and stare at whatever is on TV.
The year we became parents we were certainly guilty of it.
So this year we have made a promise to each other to make proper time. We now try once a month, when money and childcare permits, to have a “date night”. I know “date night” is one of those annoying terms which has now caught on but what else to call it?!
We should still be dating each other.
You are comfortable with each other, you’ve seen each other at your worst, your lowest points, so how can dating still be exciting?
But it can!
Get dressed up, book an activity, a movie, a dinner reservation, or even just go for a walk and reconnect. You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll remember what it used to feel like. And even if you don’t, it just means your relationship has evolved but that feeling of appreciation, like your someone else’s priority again, can do you both wonders. Making specific time can be important but so can the little things.
Hold hands, cuddle in bed, be close whilst watching TV, eat dinner together, or just a text in the middle of the day to say that I appreciate you. The last one in my favourite.
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY
Put your phone down and talk.
I am no relationship expert, far from it, but these are things that work for us.
Our daughter is our collective priority but I still feel like I’m my partners' and that is so important. Being happy together makes you better parents!
If you make someone your priority, you’ll be a priority too.