When You've Just Had One of Those Days ...
I sit here writing this article after a hard day. I write in hopes to say to you Mommas, "You are not alone". Today I had one of those days, stress was weighing high and I felt like all day all I wanted was a moment to breathe and just couldn't find a second to make it happen. It was one of those days I spent making food, changing diapers, playing games, while also trying to minimize the laundry pile, get my grocery list together, and make several phone calls trying to contact various places to do their jobs. All this as one child took the opportunity to be extra loud and the other to basically cry and climb all over me because that's just what happens when Mommy is on the phone. Everyone loses their minds until I am off.
Let me back track a bit. About a month ago I was fortunate enough to go on an amazing bachelorette trip for a friend, where I spent 3.5 days sipping frozen daiquiris, working on my tan, deliciously dining and spending much needed time away with some friends. Of course I missed my family, but let me tell you, this Momma enjoyed some long overdue old school fun. Singing loud and dancing with friends was the therapy I needed.
As the story goes, eventually I made my way home, only to have life hit me hard the second I walked in the door. I came home to immediate Mommy duty, and a leak under my sink that had flooded my cabinets, walls and flooring.
Within twenty minutes of walking in the door and putting my bag down I was met with major adulting. Fast forward a month later and I am missing half my floor, using paper goods and have a half gutted kitchen. So today, in between making breakfasts, lunches, dinners, naps, play times, diaper changes, bottles, doing laundry, appliance research, picking up toys, following a shaky stander/almost walker I spent calling flooring companies and trying to schedule a rebuild. I had a day! Not a moment to myself and four previous weeks of making it by without a sink, using paper goods, keeping the kids away from the damage and losing hope that anything will be repaired soon. My anxiety was running high. I kept reminding myself that it could be worse, it will all be fixed and new and life will resume eventually. However, I am the kind of person where when my environment is disorderly, so is my brain. The boxes of kitchen items stacked high in my dining room take away my zen. It's as if the missing floor and half kitchen are taunting my otherwise organized brain. I know it shouldn't be that way, but with all that goes into weeks of speaking to insurance companies, mitigation teams, plumbers, flooring companies and restoration teams, people in and out of my house doing only what seems like endless measurements and notes, my mind is filled with more than just the regular anxieties that come with life.
Today it all caught up with me. I wasn't sure I would make it through the day with not a moment's quiet to myself. The noise of life and the chaos of my environment truly took a toll on me today and every whine, every cry, every request for water, juice, milk, fruit snacks, help in the bathroom just added to the overwhelming need I had to JUST HAVE A MOMENT for me. With my husband working until late, I knew this wasn't a possibility. I was in survival mode. All day I was in survival mode. Just get to the end of the day, then you can breathe again.
Of course that's met with it's own anxiety and guilt. How could I not cherish every second I have with my children? As every article reads, this won't last forever. These are the days, the memories the moments! But ya know, some days you just have that day. The day where you don't feel in love with every moment. Or the day when you forget a little all the things you are truly grateful for. Sometimes you just need those few minutes of quiet and then tomorrow you will be back to normal, ready to make those memories and keep positive that your kitchen will be re-built to working order.
I'm grateful for my children, even on tough days. I know not all days, months, years will be the same. Situations change fast. One day you are sitting under palm trees, the next your house is wet and your kitchen torn out. That's life and it's sometimes a stressful balance. So today I was overwhelmed, tired, anxious. I didn't want to play princess castle or make voices with puppets. I didn't want to tirelessly call companies to try and move the rebuild along. I did many things I didn't want to do today, as I'm sure many of you out there have experienced.
I want you all to know I made it through the day. My babies are sleeping, toys are picked up, the laundry is clean, not folded but clean, and all is calm and quiet. I already feel like tomorrow will be a better day. I want you all to know that it's ok to have days like this. Days when you aren't yourself, don't have it all figured out and are just skating by, by the skin of your teeth. The day starts again tomorrow. We have another chance to be better than we were today and what a gift that is. I look forward to it. So Moms, I had that day today. You are not alone.